Love is a fickle thing. I hate how that is…
I wish at least once, i could actually find it. And not the kind of love i have with my best friends. I mean that special love: agape (unconditional) love. God may have this love for me, and I know it, but I never feel it. God gives me so much I don’t deserve. So much I don’t want. I thank him for the gifts, but I want to trade it all, for that very special, certain someone who I will love and love me back.
I don’t know why I actually care about this subject actually. I’m just in High School, the time in everyone’s life where people don’t know what they want and worry because they don’t have something because they want to be “popular” or cool, or whatever. FUCK. THAT. SHIT. Really, they just have their heads up their asses and they’re running around making a little more of an arse of themselves, MUCH LIKE I AM NOW. GOOD TO KNOW I’M A LITTLE NORMAL.
Yes, right now I’m being a little cynical. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I wish God had “Be happy instantly” cards.
But happiness is only achieved through patience. Patience is something I don’t have, and I keep asking for, forgetting how God blesses us with patience. God blesses us with patience, through adversity. Through tribulations.
These tribulations, I don’t like. Because it’s like it’s the same thing over and over again. I find someone, start liking them, find out they don’t feel the same, feel love sick and like shit, in that order. Then it repeats.
Total times that’s happened so far: 5
- I shouldn’t worry but I do.
- I shouldn’t think this way but I do
- What God gave me is what I have, I have to make do.
- I WISH I COULD BE HAPPY LIKE I WAS BEFORE I BEGAN THINKING ABOUT THIS.
God’s GREATEST and MOST DIFFICULT test is LIVING.
A test I intend to pass.